Being a proud failure on a Friday night .....

To say that lupus has reared its ugly head is an understatement. I went to the doctor today with what I knew was an attack of Pleurisy (which is very common in lupus patients). It started last weekend and I was convinced I had pulled a muscle and it would go away in a couple of days .... but it didn't. Now this is entirely my own fault. Since the semester started I have been going into work super early (7:00 am) twice a week to teach, then working my 35 hours, then one night a week I don't get home until about 10:00 pm because I am taking a couple of classes. Throw in a couple of work events, some Parent Teacher Organization meetings, soccer, homework, grading paper ... plus not eating right and you have a recipe for a lupus flare.

Now before you get all "I'm so sorry to hear it" I do not see this as a bad thing. It is my body's way of saying "Leann, what are you thinking?" And so for the weekend I have a Doctor's note which requires me to take it easy, and I will. The only thing that aggravates me is that I was really looking forward to the Boston Ballet perform on the Boston Common this weekend and I may not get to do that (my husband, the sweetheart that he is was going to go with me - but I think he would rather be bringing me avgolemo soup on the couch). Lupus is what it is. There is a great blog I follow called Despite Lupus. It is great for a couple of reasons - she reminds me I need to take care of myself & she reminds me how ok I am because her lupus impacts her life more than my lupus impacts mine.

So I have spent most of today sitting on what the boy calls the "love couch" and I should be grading papers or reading for class or something productive. But I have taken my Tramadol for the pain and my brain is a little too fuzzy to accomplish that at the moment. But I am pretty proud of myself. I have managed to do my nails ... nothing fancy just a little sparkly and purple (my signature color).

And this is the second blog I have written today (because I have to do something). I got watch a bunch of Walking Dead to get caught up for the new season and I plan on some NCIS episodes this evening. So while I am bored out of my skull I am proud of the fact that I have managed to go to the doctor and accomplish some stuff and I have managed to still be awake. Overall good day.

So the failure part. I have been surfing Pinterest and I have been searching for some new blogs to follow. And I have realized a couple of things:

Pinterest is designed to make average moms feel inadequate. Let's be honest - not a lot of men follow Pinterest. And what you find are things like:

• How to make your sidewalk chalk

  

  Pinterest nails - so much better than mine!

• How to make your own dishwasher pellets
• How to make your own pumpkin scented paint for your kids
• The endless ideas for Elf on a Shelf!
• How to make furniture out of found pallet wood
• How to make your own SportCream
• How to make your own natural house cleaners
• And don't even get me started on doing your nails!

It makes moms who don't have time to do all these things feel like failures - and add a chronic illness like lupus to the mix and I feel like spending my day sitting on my couch will completely destroy any chance my son has to grow up a well adjusted human being. Because let's face it - I am more likely to go to the dollar store if we need sidewalk chalk.

 

Then there was the searching of Blogger. I find the same thing in the blogs I am flipping through. Many of them written by stay at home, very religious moms. Now before I get a bunch of flack I have nothing against stay at home religious moms. Their blogs just make me feel like there is a utopian standard of parenting that I am just not living up to. And I have to wonder what is behind the blog. No family can be as perfect as some of these women claim their families are. In my sick twisted brain I am wondering what secrets hide in their closets and if I follow these blogs will I begin to see the cracks in the façade show.

 

Friends who know me and read this are apt to think I am crazy - when I have the energy I try and craft with my son and have him in the kitchen and go on nature walk adventures. More often then not however, I get a bunch of stuff to do crafts and it ends up sitting in my craft closet "until next time." I also like to have big, crazy parties - but what people don't know is that I spend the week before and the week after on the couch!

 

So now that it is Saturday morning and I have spent my time "resting" I have to get up and get ready for my day. It is birthday party day. No, I did not make a gift or a cute gift basket - I got my son's friend a Hallmark card and a gift card to the toy store. By the time I get home I am pretty sure I will be too tired to go to the ballet - but may be able to finagle some Halloween crafts before I get my butt back on the couch. In between I may manage to read a chapter or grade a paper. And in all likelihood it will be a pizza dinner - not with homemade sauce and dough, but delivered from Dominos, followed by some cuddling on the couch and a story before bedtime. This is our world, and really that is just fine by me!

Perhaps Christmas Means a Little Bit More .....

I was going to title this post let the holiday shopping season begin ..... but I don't think that will be my world so much this year.

 

I did go out on Black Friday and I got some really good deals on things the kids wanted for Christmas (I can't list those here, just in case this is the one post my teenager decides to read). It was a completely insane experience. The lines to get into the stores at the mall were at least a half-mile long, the parking lots were complete full at 12:30 am. In Massachusetts, Blue Laws do not allow stores to open on Thanksgiving (I hope this doesn't ever change) so people were chomping at the bit to get into the stores. Since my husband and I are not crazy Black Friday people we waited in the car until almost 1:00 am and then went into two stores when the lines went down and went home. I went back out later in the day to do my shopping. And this is what a lot of people don't pay attention to - most of the sale prices last all day. Since none of the "door busters" were things I wanted to purchase I had all the time in the world to shop. And I am now done with all the things I have to purchase (except of course for the stockings - but I can pick those things up anytime).

 

That being said it is time to go down the rest of my list -

cousins

hostess gifts

friends

teachers

aunts & uncles

kids of the cousins, friends, etc.

and so on and so on and so on ......

 

This year I have decided hand-made will do. I have a new addiction .... Pinterest. I have found some GREAT ideas! And the best part is I have all the materials on hand to make what I want to make. I know that some people will say this is a cheap way out - but I disagree. I think this is exactly what Christmas is all about. Sharing with friends and family - share your time, share your creativity, share stories and friendship. It is the connection of caring with $$$$ that has destroyed Christmas.

 

St. Nicholas was a Greek Christian in the village of Patar (this is now part of Turkey - but at the time was part of Greece). He eventually became a Bishop and spent his life counseling the poor, helping people who needed it both spiritually and economically.



www.stnicholascenter.org

Over the years the stories of this "saint" traveled the world and was brought to America by Christopher Columbus (who named a port in Haiti after St. Nicolas on December 6th - this date would eventually become St. Nicolas Day).

 

The first stories of St. Nicolas flying from the north in a sleigh with reindeer appeared in 1821 and then in 1823 a poem was written: "A Visit from St. Nicholas." It described St. Nicolas like this:

 

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

 

Yes, this was later renamed "The Night Before Christmas."

 

Eventually the churches began associating the legends and stories of St. Nicholas (the trees, stockings, gifts, the new "jolly old elf" image) as part of their Christmas celebrations to increase attendance at Church. And by doing so (in my opinion) began the disconnect we have about the true meaning of not only Christmas - but St. Nicholas! This obviously is a VERY brief history of St. Nicholas - if you want to delve into some other stories there are some good ones at the St. Nicholas Center.

 

When my oldest son hit that moment when he did not believe in Santa we read Yes, "Virgina, there is a Santa Claus." I told him that Santa lived in our hearts and it is what makes us donate to those less fortunate, it is what makes parents want to see the sparkle in their children's eyes on Christmas morning. We talked about the birth of Jesus and how he lived his life helping those less fortunate (much like St. Nicholas). And I tried to instill in him a sense of giving as opposed to a sense of receiving. I will have to wait a couple of years to see how that played out - but I am hopeful.

 

So it amazes me that in times of economic crisis (which we have been in for a couple of years) people are still spending more than they have to celebrate the Christmas season. This is not what Christmas should be about. It should be about mending fences, spending time with family and friends. It should not be about what we can get but about what we can give .... our time, our homes, our friendship.

 

So this Christmas I will be preparing in my craft room and my kitchen. I will be reaching out to those that mean a lot to me. I will be teaching my children that this is a time to share with others who are not fortunate enough to have what we have. We are not wealthy (I am not even sure we are middle class anymore) but we have a roof over our heads, clothes on our back and food in our bellies - we are not rich but we are fortunate. And this is the season to share with those who are not so fortunate.

 

I know this blog post may sound preachy and for that I apologize - I am just disheartened and I am afraid that this generation is not learning these important life lessons. I can teach them in my home, but the stores, the televisions shows, the media seem to be forgetting these vitally important aspects of the holiday season.

 

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”