I can breathe .... well maybe after a conversation about sexism in advertising

The semester is finally over and I can almost take a breath. I have 35 final exams to grade and one take-home final to complete and the semester is over for me! I am stunned that I have completed a semester of graduate school - it is such a blur I can't even confirm that I remember enough of what I learned to say I have been successful. But I can say that once the papers were handed in and the exams were graded I did not embarrass myself (this was very important to me since my professors are also my colleagues).

So, the time has come to step back and begin observing my crazy world again and spend some time with my blog. As I began thinking of things I wanted to write about I remembered a recent comment by Sarah Palin that particularly annoyed me .... "I love the commercialization of Christmas because it spreads the Christmas cheer the most jolly holiday on our calendar ... obviously." I can't make this stuff up people! See for yourself ..... and giggle with John Stewart as you do.

The Daily Show

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I was going to go on a rant about what Christmas means to me ... how the commercials I am seeing every day make me feel sad and angry and kill my Christmas spirit and I realized ... been there, done that:

What happened to Thanksgiving?

Perhaps Christmas Means a Little Bit More .....

Family Friday ~ It is Christmas .... Let the Games Begin!

With no desire to be repetitive I started looking for something else that could start dialogue. Lo and behold in my Facebook newsfeed I found this gem:




It is great that someone is out there saying these things. The objectification of women to sell products is a time-honored tradition that really needs to end. When I heard her say she had been talking about this for 40 years I decided to do a search and go back to see if we have made any progress. I am sorry to say that I don't think we have.

 

 

 

It is a vicious cycle .... young girls see these advertisements and think this is the way women should be treated .... in turn media makes more risqué advertisements ..... more young women see them and so on and so on. It is not surprising that each semester the girls I have in class are wearing fewer and fewer clothes. It is no wonder that eating disorders are skyrocketing, and depression and anxiety is increasing year after year among young women.

 

I wish I had the answer on how to end the cycle, how to make men see women as more than a bunch of body parts, how to make women see themselves as more than a bunch of body parts at the beck and call of the men in their lives. I put some of the blame on the magazines sold to women as essential guidebooks on how to be feminine and beautiful: Cosmo - Vanity Fair - Vogue .....

 

   

 

And don't even get me started on Teen Vogue  or Seventeen ....

I remember reading these 30 years ago and feeling like I couldn't compete and that was before photoshop! I could never afford the clothes or do the make-up quite right and I never had the cute fabulous boyfriends they said I would have if I made myself up to look like a clown.

 

 

 

But in my search for what is wrong with media and it's portrayal of women and it's brainwashing of young girls I found this, a bright light in the midst of all of this: Julia Bluhm, Seventeen Reader, Petitions Magazine To Feature Non-Airbrushed Photos;  Teen Vogue Next In Anti-Photoshop Battle Waged By SPARK Summit Teens. There is hope. 

 

So in the end maybe we can begin to reverse a trend hundreds of years old.

• If we can teach our sons to appreciate women for more than their bodies.
• If we can teach our daughters that they should treat themselves with respect so that others will treat them with respect.
• If we can get women to stop buying magazines that are ultimately going to make them feel bad about themselves.
• If don't purchase products that advertise in sexist ways or buy magazines that publish these advertisements.

Then maybe - just maybe change will happen.

 

So much for a blog that started as a celebration of being able to breathe at the end of a long semester. Maybe breathing just isn't my style.

 





Literature Tuesday ..... The Christmas Bells

Shortly before Halloween I found a book that I purchased for story time to share with the 6-year-old: The Night Before Halloween, by: Natasha Wing. It was one of those kids books that you read with a grin and then think to yourself "why didn't I think of that!"

'Twas the night before Halloween,

and all through the house,

all the creatures were stirring,

except for the mouse.

The monsters had gathered

to plan and prepare,

for the trick-or-treaters

who would soon be there.

So after Halloween I looked and sure enough she had also written: The Night Before Thanksgiving.

The turkey went in.

And as more cousins came,

I laughed and I shouted

and called them by name.

"Hi Danny! Hi Donny! Hi Paula & Vickie!

Hi Casey! Hi Cathy! Hi Brenda & Ricky!

Come in from the porch.

Step into the hall.

Now come & play, come & play,

come & play all!"

So now that Thanksgiving is over we have begun reading the holiday classic: The Night Before Christmas.

 

He sprang to his sleigh,

to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew;

like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim,

ere he drove out of sight,

"Happy Christmas to all.

And to all a good night."

 

 

 

 

Over the years I have read a lot of Christmas stories. Some were cute and cuddly like Santa Mouse by: Michael Brown. Some always made me cry but I had to read them, like The Little Match Girl by: Hans Christian Anderson. And some were just classics like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas by: Dr. Seuss.

 

 

I could go on forever talking about the stories that remind me of being a kid at Christmas. I remember very vividly my mom reading me a chapter a night of this book called Uncle Wiggily Stories (It took me forever to find a link to this one)! But I remember every night she read a chapter I wanted her to read more! I still have this book and I have read it to my older son and I will read it to my youngest!

 

I have read all the classics:

The Gift of the Magi

The Nutcracker

A Christmas Carol

The Polar Express

And of course I have read the Bible story of the birth of Jesus!

 

 

But then in college, when I was trying to search for the meaning of life, the meaning of religion, the meaning of everything I learned to appreciate poetry - which I think is something that people should strive to appreciate and not necessarily understand. We covered poetry by Frost and Dickinson and Milton. The poem The Shivering Begger by Robert Graves made me giggle more than it should have.

 

But by the end of that semester I had come across Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and he was the one who reminded me what Christmas was about - it is about having faith in man when all evidence shows that you should not. So the last Christmas literature I will share today is the Christmas Bells.  

 

 

Christmas Bells

By: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I heard the bells on Christmas Day

Their old, familiar carols play,

     And wild and sweet

     The words repeat

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And thought how, as the day had come,

The belfries of all Christendom

      Had rolled along

      The unbroken song

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Till ringing, singing on its way,

The world revolved from night to day,

     A voice, a chime,

     A chant sublime

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

Then from each black, accursed mouth

The cannon thundered in the South,

     And with the sound

     The carols drowned

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

It was as if an earthquake rent

The hearth-stones of a continent,

     And made forlorn

     The households born

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;

"There is no peace on earth," I said;

      "For hate is strong,

      And mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

     The Wrong shall fail,

     The Right prevail,

With peace on earth, good-will to men."                                                                                               

Medical Monday - the holidays and lupus

I have decided to get back to my original blog plan to keep myself organized and on track. With the holidays coming and my ardent desire to maintain this blog I need something to keep me motivated and on track!

 

 

So today it is the holidays and lupus. The holidays are stressful and there is no way around that. As I get older and live with lupus longer I am realizing that I can't ignore lupus as much as I would like to. Those of you who read my blog on a regular basis have probably figured out that I love to have people at the house - big family dinners, parties for the kids. And I love to cook. But the party we had for Halloween and Thanksgiving dinner reminded me that I can no longer go and go and go and go without there being consequences. Those consequences include massive lupus fog, headaches, joint-pain and exhaustion.

 

 

So I did some research on lupus and stress. I began with my go to webpage for lupus information, The Lupus Foundation of America. They have their own blog which has a list of other "lupus" blogs. Then I googled "Lupus and Holiday Stress." And while I should have been grading final papers I read.

 

 

Some of the information is frustrating (as lupus in general is frustrating). Because much of lupus is nonspecific, in the sense that people who have lupus react differently to having lupus. Some people have severe skin reactions, some have lung involvement, some have kidney involvement, some have joint-pain, some have fibromyalgia, some have eye problems, some can't work due to exhaustion, some work two jobs .... I think you get my point.

 

 

So the list of ways that stress can impact lupus also is long and nonspecific: "These symptoms include poor or inadequate sleep (insomnia), anxiety, depression, panic attacks, headaches, poor concentration, muscle aches, skin inflammation (eczema), inflammation of the joints (arthritis), irritable bowel syndrome (spastic colitis), constipation and diarrhea, high blood pressure (hypertension), certain types of stomach ulcers, asthma attacks, decreased sex drive, and even some cancer. Any of these symptoms, or any combination of them, can affect a person who is suffering from stress."

 

 

But the general consensus seems to be that stress in lupus patients can cause a lupus flare (periods where symptoms of lupus worsen), can cause some symptoms of lupus that a patient does not normally have, and is basically not a good thing for lupus patients to experience.

 

 

So then my research continued to how one handles the holidays and lessens stress if you have lupus. This too was frustrating. I learned for the first time a phrase: the 4 As - Avoid, Alter, Accept & Adapt.

• Avoid - stay away from situations that cause you stress by planning ahead, avoid people who bother you, learn to say no, prioritize you "to-do" list so you know which things you can not do.
• Alter - ask others (politely) to change their behaviors that cause you stress, communicate your feelings openly, manage your time better, state your limits in advance so people don't expect more of you.
• Accept - Talk with someone about your stress, forgive others and forgive yourself because it takes energy to be angry, practice positive self-talk, learn from your mistakes.
• Adapt - adjust your standards (do you expect too much from yourself), stop gloomy thoughts immediately, reframe your situation, adopt a mantra ("I can do this"), make a list of things that bring you joy, look at the big picture.

 

 

So ok, this is a reasonable list. It is logical and it makes sense. The list is reasonable but often not realistic. Don't get me wrong - I actually do a lot of these things already and had no idea they were on a 4 As list - again because these are logical things to do and people with a chronic illness just do them because it is the only way to survive. But these are really good things we can do regularly - it changes when the holidays are here, when there are expectations of things you need to do for children, family, work, friends, etc.

 

 

Most of these expectations we place on ourselves. Our children do not come right out and say to us "I want a perfect Christmas mommy." Our friends do not sit us down and say "I demand a spectacular holiday dinner at your house - complete with homemade desserts and a dozen kind of cookies." But, Better Homes and Gardens creates those expectations. Martha Stewart creates those expectations.

 

 

So what have I learned in my quest for a stress free holiday -

1. Plan ahead
2. Forgive yourself
3. Ask for help
4. Rest
5. Be realistic
6. Set reasonable expectations

 

 

I don't know if it will work .... but if all this fails it is so important to remember the one thing that will reduce stress no matter what time of year it is .... laughter is the best medicine! And the holidays are full of laughter .... don't ever forget that in the end this is what the holidays are all about - lupus fog or not!

Perhaps Christmas Means a Little Bit More .....

I was going to title this post let the holiday shopping season begin ..... but I don't think that will be my world so much this year.

 

I did go out on Black Friday and I got some really good deals on things the kids wanted for Christmas (I can't list those here, just in case this is the one post my teenager decides to read). It was a completely insane experience. The lines to get into the stores at the mall were at least a half-mile long, the parking lots were complete full at 12:30 am. In Massachusetts, Blue Laws do not allow stores to open on Thanksgiving (I hope this doesn't ever change) so people were chomping at the bit to get into the stores. Since my husband and I are not crazy Black Friday people we waited in the car until almost 1:00 am and then went into two stores when the lines went down and went home. I went back out later in the day to do my shopping. And this is what a lot of people don't pay attention to - most of the sale prices last all day. Since none of the "door busters" were things I wanted to purchase I had all the time in the world to shop. And I am now done with all the things I have to purchase (except of course for the stockings - but I can pick those things up anytime).

 

That being said it is time to go down the rest of my list -

cousins

hostess gifts

friends

teachers

aunts & uncles

kids of the cousins, friends, etc.

and so on and so on and so on ......

 

This year I have decided hand-made will do. I have a new addiction .... Pinterest. I have found some GREAT ideas! And the best part is I have all the materials on hand to make what I want to make. I know that some people will say this is a cheap way out - but I disagree. I think this is exactly what Christmas is all about. Sharing with friends and family - share your time, share your creativity, share stories and friendship. It is the connection of caring with $$$$ that has destroyed Christmas.

 

St. Nicholas was a Greek Christian in the village of Patar (this is now part of Turkey - but at the time was part of Greece). He eventually became a Bishop and spent his life counseling the poor, helping people who needed it both spiritually and economically.



www.stnicholascenter.org

Over the years the stories of this "saint" traveled the world and was brought to America by Christopher Columbus (who named a port in Haiti after St. Nicolas on December 6th - this date would eventually become St. Nicolas Day).

 

The first stories of St. Nicolas flying from the north in a sleigh with reindeer appeared in 1821 and then in 1823 a poem was written: "A Visit from St. Nicholas." It described St. Nicolas like this:

 

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

 

Yes, this was later renamed "The Night Before Christmas."

 

Eventually the churches began associating the legends and stories of St. Nicholas (the trees, stockings, gifts, the new "jolly old elf" image) as part of their Christmas celebrations to increase attendance at Church. And by doing so (in my opinion) began the disconnect we have about the true meaning of not only Christmas - but St. Nicholas! This obviously is a VERY brief history of St. Nicholas - if you want to delve into some other stories there are some good ones at the St. Nicholas Center.

 

When my oldest son hit that moment when he did not believe in Santa we read Yes, "Virgina, there is a Santa Claus." I told him that Santa lived in our hearts and it is what makes us donate to those less fortunate, it is what makes parents want to see the sparkle in their children's eyes on Christmas morning. We talked about the birth of Jesus and how he lived his life helping those less fortunate (much like St. Nicholas). And I tried to instill in him a sense of giving as opposed to a sense of receiving. I will have to wait a couple of years to see how that played out - but I am hopeful.

 

So it amazes me that in times of economic crisis (which we have been in for a couple of years) people are still spending more than they have to celebrate the Christmas season. This is not what Christmas should be about. It should be about mending fences, spending time with family and friends. It should not be about what we can get but about what we can give .... our time, our homes, our friendship.

 

So this Christmas I will be preparing in my craft room and my kitchen. I will be reaching out to those that mean a lot to me. I will be teaching my children that this is a time to share with others who are not fortunate enough to have what we have. We are not wealthy (I am not even sure we are middle class anymore) but we have a roof over our heads, clothes on our back and food in our bellies - we are not rich but we are fortunate. And this is the season to share with those who are not so fortunate.

 

I know this blog post may sound preachy and for that I apologize - I am just disheartened and I am afraid that this generation is not learning these important life lessons. I can teach them in my home, but the stores, the televisions shows, the media seem to be forgetting these vitally important aspects of the holiday season.

 

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” 

Family Friday ~ It is Christmas .... Let the Games Begin!

My husband and I begin the holiday season each year on Black Friday. We have been doing this since we started dating (again) 6 years ago. It used to be fun. We always started at Target. There was coffee and donuts; a silly security guard; and always one woman trying to be in charge that everyone else laughed at. My husband and I never looked at the circulars before hand or knew what was on sale. We just went and people watched .... if we got a good deal thrown in all the better.

This year was no fun at all! The stores now have corrals and barricades around the stores, keeping people not only in a straight orderly line, but also keeping them from stomping each other when the stores open. Gone are the coffee & donuts, random Christmas carols and comradery. Black Friday has become instead Dante's 5th Circle of Hell! It is sad really. But at least from now on my husband and I can sleep late the day after Thanksgiving because I do not think we will be doing this again. I feel like Christmas has become Whoville at the beginning of the Jim Carey version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas! And this year I feel like Cindy Lou Who!

We like tradition. Spending time with family. Lots of lights and decorations - some of which my husband and I have had for a long time. Letters from Santa. A Charlie Brown Christmas. I think you get the point. But it does not seem like tradition (or Jesus for that matter) has much to do with Christmas this year. Bigger TVs cheaper TVs .... faster more expensive computers ..... car commercials changing lyrics to Christmas carols ... and the very few people practicing the fine art of Christmas cards .... I could go on and on about what is wrong with this Christmas. But I won't!

Instead I will talk about how fabulous it is to sit here and watch my Christmas tree all aglow - covered in ornaments I have been collecting since I was 16 and worked in a Hallmark store. We needed a new tree this year. My husband searched far and wide for one we loved. We looked at all the new fancy prelit, easy assemble, rotating, outrageously expensive trees. What we found was an old fashioned - no lights - tree for a quarter the price of all the outrageous trees! And we love it! It fits almost all the ornaments, but we have several other small trees in our very small house to take care of that. Our house actually looks like a gingerbread house outside, with a Santa perched on the chimney.

I have found some really great gifts this year that I am proud of. But still have no idea what to get the husband or the teenager! I really should get on that with only 9 days to go!

And in all the bustle I found this article on being destressed during the holidays. Usually I read articles in women's magazines for a good giggle this time of year. They talk about handmade gifts and decor and fabulous extravagant dinners with plates on chargers with handmade name cards. That is just not my world and I can never figure out where people who do this find the time. Usually this time of year I think paper plates and napkins with gaudy poinsettia prints are just fine for me! As long as there are lots of people to share it with.

So I shall end with one of the best holiday traditions .... I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

post-script:

As I was about to post this blog about the lack of Christmas spirit in the world I heard music .... Christmas music. I put down my laptop and went to the front door and outside was a band. Decked out in full holiday gear .... playing Christmas music for the man next door who has had a really rough year, both economically and medically. For a moment rekindeling my faith in the holiday season.