"A word in earnest is as good as a speech"
~Charles Dickens: Bleak House

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Has it really been that long........

I can not believe it has been this long since I have written a post. All I can say is life happens. My world, as usual, has been a tornado for the past year. Graduate school was a little more intensive than I had remembered it and with the program I am in requiring practicums & internships along side my everyday job it put a toll on just about everything - my health, my friendships, my marriage, my family and my sanity. 

But today I am in a good space. The Master's degree is finished, I have been promoted to a full-time faculty member at the University for which I work, my practicum led to a paid internship and in May I will graduate with the certificate needed to apply for a license as a mental health clinician. I have only eight more months of complete insanity before I can breathe and begin the new stage of life. I don't know if that means a new job or a new home or what. But I do know it means I get many precious hours back to do the things I enjoy instead of doing the things I have to do. 

It has been two years of working three days in one place, then two days in another, classes at night, grading papers, writing papers, reading chapters I can't remember once I have closed the book cover, exams, having four to-do lists, and many days driving half-way to the wrong place before I remember where I am supposed to be. Add to that raising a 9-year old who has to go to practices and swim lessons and drum lessons, finding time for quiet dinners with my husband, and our newest adventure of coaching soccer and my head spins just thinking about it. 

But I have learned a lot about myself in these two years - I have learned a lot about people - I have learned how to destroy & then save a marriage - I have learned how to be a more present parent - In essence I have learned how to find my Zen again. 

The reality is however that I do not do these things on my own. I have a family that supports me unconditionally in everything I do and a husband that sacrifices everyday so my dreams can become a reality. I am not saying he does this without complaint but he does it without question. We had gotten to the point where we had begun to take each other for granted, after 7 years of marriage I think a lot of couples go through that. We had become fabulous roommates but not very good life partners and in the midst of our chaos we learned to appreciate each other again. We learned to communicate again. And while I can't speak for him, I remembered why I married him in the first place. He is a family man and will do whatever it takes to make the family work. He cares for me when I have worked too hard and my body gives out and he supports our son who is at the heart of everything he does. He is a good man and I am thankful for him everyday. 

I have learned not to take what you have for granted because it can be gone in an instant.
I have learned not to let friendships fall to the wayside (though I am still working on this one).
I have learned that living life online is really not living.
I have learned that when it is all too much - just breathe.
I have learned to be grateful because there are so many others living in chaos & pain.
I have learned that I am stronger than I ever imagined.

In the midst of all the chaos I have been able to look back over the past year and realize that while my world is all topsy-turvy I have been able to continue to find beauty everyday. 

So I may not write here as often, but know I am still taking the time to observe our crazy world .......... and I will be back in full-force soon!

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