Maybe if I organize the blog ..... I can organize life!

So, here I am. 7:00 am at the office prepping for class (oh wait, I am writing a blog). But that is me. Organized on paper, not so good in practice. One of the things I blogged about last time was the "lupus fog." It is that feeling you get when you walk into a room and can't remember why you are there ..... but I get it all the time. So there are lots of lists and notes in my life. The problem is I usually forget to read them. So, I like to have things neatly ordered. Which is why this blog can be so frustrating while at the same time cathartic. There are so many ideas for good blogs running through my head I don't know which one to write about first. On my way to work this morning I figured out if I had a topic to write about on a particular day it would help me focus. So here is my plan:

• Medical Monday - there are lots of cool things that happen in the medical world, and some not so cool things. On Mondays I will investigate.
• Literature Tuesday - I love to read and I enjoy writing. So on Tuesdays I will share some passages I love and maybe share some of my own work.
• Wordless Wednesday - I explained this one last Wednesday
• Thoughtful Thursday - this is my spot for current events (usually political). It is helpful if I just pick one event, or one thing going on in the world and talk about it.
• Family Friday - this is not just my family ..... helpful hints, recipes, family living
• Wacky Weekend - I can write about anything I want on the weekend

So, this is my plan. We will see how it works. If I have a plan here, maybe it will help me keep to my plans in my everyday life and tackle some of the to-do lists I have piling up!

Today is Literature Tuesday!



c/o http://www.wbur.org/



On the way to work this morning I was listening to readings from a new collection of poems by Shel Silverstein. I remember his work, it got me interested in poetry as a child and made me want to write my own.

Some of the poems are sad, and I didn't understand them as a child, I just liked the way the words rhyme. I liked the art and the way the poems flowed; to find out today that Shel Silverstein was a perfectionist about this sort of thing made me smile. But most of his poems are just silly. And so today I will share a few that make me smile and think.

EVERY THING ON IT

I asked for a hot dog

With everything on it,

And that was my big mistake.

'Cause it came with a parrot,

A bee in a bonnet,

A wristwatch, a wrench, and a rake.

It came with a goldfish,

A flag, and a fiddle.

A frog, and a front porch swing,

And a mouse in a mask -

That's the last time I ask

For a hot dog with everything.

Forgotten Language

Once I spoke the language of flowers,

Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,

Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of starlings,

And shared a conversation with the housefly

in my bed.

Once I hear and answered all the questions

of the crickets,

And jointed the crying of each falling dying

flake of snow,

Once I spoke the language of flowers . . . .

How did it go?

How did it go?

Whatif

Last night, while I lay thinking here,

some Whatifs crawled inside my ear

and pranced and partied all night long

and sang their same old Whatif song:

Whatif I'm dumb in school?

Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?

Whatif I get beat up?

Whatif there's poison in my cup?

Whatif I start to cry?

Whatif I get sick and die?

Whatif I flunk that test?

Whatif green hair grows on my chest?

Whatif nobody likes me?

Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?

Whatif I don't grow talle?

Whatif my head starts getting smaller?

Whatif the fish won't bite?

Whatif the wind tears up my kite?

Whatif they start a war?

Whatif my parents get divorced?

Whatif the bus is late?

Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?

Whatif I tear my pants?

Whatif I never learn to dance?

Everything seems well, and then

the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

The Little Boy and the Old Man

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."

Said the old man, "I do that too."

The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."

"I do that too," laughed the little old man.

Said the little boy, "I often cry."

The old man nodded, "So do I."

"But worst of all," said the boy, "it seems

Grown-ups don't pay attention to me."

And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.

"I know what you mean," said the little old man.

Hard to put into words ......

I have been trying for 3 days to write a blog about having lupus. That was after all part of the reason I started this blog. To talk about my life with lupus, to share ideas with other people who have lupus, and just have an outlet. I considered writing about the symptoms, or sharing an interactive tutorial from the National Institute for Health, or giving people a symptom checklist and some helpful hints about how to get ready for a doctor's appointment if you think you may have lupus. But somehow all these resources seemed lacking. How does one explain to people what it is like to live in a body you are allergic to? So, not being able to complete this blog in three days seemed like to perfect way to explain it.

Having lupus is a lot about having good intentions & learning your limitations.

• It is about knowing when you have the straw in your hand, before it breaks the camels back.
• It is about scheduling .... & then rescheduling.
• It is a constant learning experience, when you get a new symptom you haven't had before.
• It is about trying to break through the lupus fog and see some light
• It is about education without sounding like you want sympathy (because the last thing you want is more sympathy)
• It is about realizing you have no control
• It is about learning to give in (and realizing you are not a failure because you did)
• It is about loving everyday that you feel ok
• It is about not feeling horrible about the days that you don't
• It is about asking for help with things you never thought about before
• It is about compromise and sacrifice (not only for you, but those around you)
• It is about accepting that your hair can be your worst enemy
• It is about living with fear in the back of your mind - while you know lupus is generally not fatal, there is always the risk
• It is about accepting loss - of the person you used to be and the things you used to be able to do
• It is about accepting the new you and embracing it
• It is about accepting compliments on your rosy cheeks - knowing that if they are that red things are about to hit the fan
• It is about listening to your body when you want to go go go
• It is about being able to have a good cry and move on
• It is about not allowing your bedroom to be your prison
• It is about hoping your better half doesn't tire of the emotional ups and downs you can't control
• It is about the words remission and flare being a permanent part of your vocabulary

In case you haven't guessed this weekend was one of being angry at my body for not allowing me to live the life I would like without having to deal with the consequences. I did manage to get to all the kids stuff this weekend .... but had to miss a birthday party for a friend's 2-year-old. Friday I was in bed by 8:00 pm, Saturday I was in bed by 7:00 pm and this evening I am resting in my room because I have to work tomorrow and need all the rest I can get. In between the soccer games, food shopping and what not, there were a lot of tears of frustration.

So what is my advice to people with lupus .... I have none, I am really not very good at having a chronic disease. I do not listen to my body when I should .... instead I wait until it has to shout at me. So, this is my lupus blog ... I will probably write more after a weekend of being annoyed with the "L" word.

Tomorrow is another day, another adventure, another balancing act!

GT4VM5CQK5KS

GT4VM5CQK5KS
This is a test post for a blog list I am trying to get on. Thanks for the understanding!

Wordless Wednesday .......

I have been searching blogs randomly again and I have seen "wordless Wednesday" on many of them. I wish I could give credit to the blog that started this trend but I have not been able to figure that out yet. So while this particular blog is not wordless I am sure in subsequent Wednesday blogs you will get the point.

Heroes can be found when you least expect it ........

Brad is 12 years old and he is the son of my best friend from high school. I didn't get to see much of Brad when he was younger; my best friend and I hadn't spoken for about 10 years (give or take). We didn't have a big fight or a falling out ... I think we just sort of let life get in the way. But thanks to MySpace we found each other again and picked up like no time had passed at all.

The first time I had seen her after all this time was at my son's 2nd birthday party and she came with her children. Her son was 9 at the time and had just recently been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. She came with a backpack loaded with supplies, notebooks to write down what he ate and when, stuff to bring his sugar up and medication to bring it down, test strips and glucose tablets ..... just lots of stuff. She had told me about when they had realized he was sick. The scariness of finding your child in the middle of the night lethargic and talking gibberish ..... going to your hospital to have him rushed to another state to Boston's Children's Hospital ...... to finally getting him stable and getting the news that your child's life would never be the same. They got a very quick lesson in diabetes and my best friend was handed a needle and said here .... stick you son, it will keep him alive, here is some medication .... now head home and change your entire world.

I'm not sure what I expected when I met him. I was not prepared for the lively, smiling, active kid that I met. Not a complaint about haveing his finger pricked to have his blood checked, no whining about fixing his sugar levels. I am not sure what I expected, but what I got was a kid .... just your average, run-of-the-mill kid. I was amazed. At this point I had lived with my illness for about 2 years. I have always thought that a positive attitude was the best medicine. So I was convinced that this kid would grow up and find a cure for diabetes. He just seemed to accept all the horrors of this disease as inconveniences not worthy of much discussion or debate (I think that also has something to do with my best friend being a fabulous mom). And I have wondered often if I, as an adult, could go through this kind of life altering diagnosis and come out as unscathed on the other side.

To top it all off, this amazing kid asked his mom .... some six months after being diagnosed, if he could participate in a 3-mile walk to raise money for a cure. How could his mom refuse that! So, on the fly they created a team: Brad's Bruisers and they walked.

He is now 12-years-old and is still your run of the mill kid getting ready to be a teenager. He hangs out with friends, fights with his little sister, and occasionally talks back to his mom; just a normal kid. And he is getting ready to walk his 4th walk to find a cure. I hope that you will visit his page and give him a hand. I know that times are tough, but I also know that heroes are hard to come by and to find one in a 12-year-old boy needs to be rewarded! What better reward than helping them at best find a cure .... at the least find a way to make his life a little easier and more tolerable. Every dollar counts!

If you would like to find out more about JDRF or donate to Brad's team click HERE!

If you need more information about Type 1 Diabetes click HERE!

So, I was thinking about how I would write this blog on my drive home. And on the radio there was an interview with Roger Ebert of Siskel & Ebert fame. It is amazing how you can find a hero when you least expect it.

I have to admit, I never watched the show. While I enjoy movies, they never really were my life-blood if you know what I mean. listening to this story I am wishing I had watched him more often. He again is someone who has been struck by illness and just seems to embrace life more than most healthy people I know. He has battled several cancers and the devastating results of reconstructive surgeries that haven't worked. He can no longer speak, but continues to do the work he loves via blogs (you will notice I added it to my blogs of note), Twitter and voice recognition software. It is amazing how sometimes you can learn something about someone you have never given a second thought and all of a sudden you wish you could meet them and shake their hands.

Two heroes in one day .... funny how life works!

Being irrational ......... and American

What scares you? There was a question like this in the 30-day blog but I found this list of phobias when I was searching something else and I was amazed at all the things people are afraid of and I started thinking about my most irrational fear and where it came from. Ironically it connects to the 10-year anniversary of 9/11 and a recent article I found on pledging allegiance to the American flag (funny how life works).

My most irrational fear is driving on the highway. I remember when I loved taking long drives to cool places. Twelve hours to Canada .... no problem. Back and forth to my parents house when I lived in New Hampshire ..... didn't give it a second thought. And then 9/11 happened. What does the attack on America have to do with my fear of driving on the highway, let me connect the dots.

September 11, 2001 was a gorgeous morning. I drove to the subway station, parked my car and jumped on the Blue Line to Boston. I had my headphones on, reading a book and then walked to my office. I remember walking in the door and saying something like "wow what a great day." My co-workers looked at me like I was insane and explained that one plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York. I don't think we realized as we stood there that two planes had actually flown into 2 of the towers. We tried to get on the CNN webpage to figure out exactly what had happened, but it wasn't working. Then a horrified radio announcer said a plane had flown into the Pentagon. I remember thinking ..... this is bad.

We went upstairs to watch the news in the Media Services office. The people jumping from the building were worse than any nightmare I could think of. I just sat silently crying ..... how awful could things be inside that building that the idea of jumping 80+ stories was your best option. And how long did those people live, what were they thinking? It was all unfolding live in front of us as we watched from the safety of our office. My next memory of that day is so vivid it still wakes me up in the middle of the night on occasion. We watched as rows New York police and firemen marched into the world trade center buildings. I don't know how many ..... anywhere from 25-100, the next image really skews my memory. I don't know how many minutes actually passed between those men & women entering the building and when the building collapsed it seemed like seconds. We were all silent in the room because we knew that all those people had just marched in to their deaths.

At that moment one of the security guards came into the office and told us there were rumors that they were going to shut down the subway system. I literally ran downstairs, grabbed my bag and headed out the door. I don't think I had ever wanted to get home to my family more than I had at that moment. The city was surreal. Boston is a noisy place ..... horns, sirens, people, planes. But on that morning there was a creepy silence. There was a great deal of traffic on the streets, but noone honked horns, the people all seemed to be walking in a daze, including myself. I got on the train and could not believe the silence - it was deafening. The traincar I was in was half-full. Noone had books out, or headphones on and we all just kind of looked at each other from time to time .... wanting to say something but not knowing what to say. I don't know about anyone else, but this was my first realization that as I had been trudging past Logan airport on the train on my way to work ..... the planes that caused this death and destruction were taking off. Now as I rode past the same airport it was eerily silent with not a plane in the sky.

I went to the Middle School my mother was teaching at first once I got off the train since it was on the way from the station to my son's school. There was a line of parents outside the building waiting to pick up their children. I found my mom sitting in the teacher's lounge with her cell phone, dialing and redialing my number since she had not been able to get service. Once I assured her I was ok I set off to get my son. My oldest was 7 at the time. I got to his school and spoke with the secretary. She said that the children had no idea what was going on and they had no plans to tell them. I decided that terrorists probably would not attach my small no name city and so I decided not to interrupt his day and I headed home.

I became obsessed with the news coverage. The reality of 24 hour news coverage was not good for a lot of people at this time and I was one of them. I watched at home, I watched at work, I hardly slept. Over and over again I watched those people jump, I watched those buildings fall. I watched funerals and speeches. I think I was just trying to make sense of it all. Work was a nightmare. We had just opened a Mosque and each day there was a bomb threat and we would have to evacuate, parents called all day wanting us to guarantee their children's safety, several countries revoked student visas and we had to get them home. And then there was the anthrax. I remember the Boston police coming in hazmat suits to check out white dust in the lobby ..... if I remember correctly it was a powdered donut.

Then there was the day that the news reported they had caught some of the terrorists responsible for planning the attacks at the Copley Plaza in Boston. There were rumors that the suspects were still in the hotel. I left the office and ran to the Copley - hoping to see what they looked like, these evil heartless, soulless people. As I made my way there I thought I would be the only one who needed this closure, but there were thousands of us. Some I am sure just had a morbid curiosity, but the most I think needed to put a face to the horror. Not a 2-dimensional face, but a real face. I waited for hours until someone finally came over and confirmed that they had taken the suspects out of the hotel another way and we should all leave. I realized I was going overboard when my son hid under his bed because he heard military planes flying over the house and I began only watching and listening to the news after he went to bed.

I began having panic attacks. First it was on the train. We had gotten stuck in the tunnel between stops once. I was convinced that there was some sort of chemical weapon in the air ducts and we were all going to die. As soon as the train got to the next stop I got off. I physically could not get back into the subway station. A co-worker had to get on the train with me and ride with me so I could get home. Long story short the attacks got worse. There was one day I walked 2 hours from the airport station to my car because I could not be on the train. And I started having them at other times .... during a Celtics game with my son, a friend's wedding in which I was the maid of honor, on a trip to Washington DC with my son in 2002, driving along the highway while my son and I were driving to New Hampshire to visit friends. Eventually I quit my job in Boston because I could no longer bring myself to get on the train.

It was crazy ..... a couple years went by and I was still having panic attacks and anxiety attacks. I saw a therapist and went on medication for awhile. And then I went to New York with my mom and my son. I visited Ground Zero and I got to say goodbye. I shook hands with the firemen that had to look at that hole in the ground and remember their friends who had walked into those buildings and never came out. I sat and stared for the longest time at the hole in the ground - and the cross made out of parts of the building. I grieved. When I got home I decided that was that .... no more medication and no more panic attacks. I forced myself to get back on the train ..... I forced myself to drive on the highway. I got a job back in Boston and made it work. Somehow out of all that panic and anxiety I have held on to the irrational fear of driving on the highway. I don't know why that is the one that has stuck with me. If it is necessary I can do it, but I am anxiety stricken and can't sleep for days if I know ahead of time. It doesn't change anything that logically I know it is irrational.

And then yesterday I saw this article posted on a friend's Facebook page: Brookline Political Action For Peace, Seeks School Pledge Of Allegiance Ban. It makes me sad that we are arguing about this. The American flag is a symbol of what this country has been through and in times of trouble we as a nation look to the flag to pull us together. I am also offended that the Boston Herald felt it was necessary to start their column this way "Peaceniks in leafy, lefty Brookline are trying to ban the Pledge of Allegiance from town schools." I consider myself a "peacenik" and I am certainly left but never would I refer to the Pledge of Allegiance as reminiscent of a horrific totalitarian regime. I was confused so I did a little research about my pledge and came up with this document and I began to see his point: US History - the Pledge of Allegiance and US Flag.org. I realized that I took my pledge for granted. I did not realize that it was not recognized by Congress until 1942 and that in 1943 the Supreme Court ruled that children could not be forced to recite it. I felt almost unAmerican because I really should know these things (I probably did at one point, but just forgot). As an adult I have always had a problem with the "Under God" part of the pledge, not because of my feelings toward God, but because the Founding Fathers were pretty specific when they separated "church and state."

Having learned all this do I think there should be a ban on the Pledge of Allegiance in schools ..... NO! People should love their country, even with all its faults. There are so many countries in which I could be arrested for writing this blog. There are so many countries where you have no choice as to whether or not you want to pledge. If there is a problem of children feeling singled out because of the standing - then maybe we should let children sit at their desk so it is not so obvious and they don't feel bad.

My five-year-old learned in school this week that two planes crashed into a building in New York and that people were killed. I have a problem with this - it is just information I don't think he needed to have at his age. He was scared. He has been pledging the flag since preschool and has never come home afraid. I do understand some on the conversation points that Marty Rosenthal makes regarding our country and the flag. But to remove the Pledge of Allegiance from the schools reduces conversation, reduces children's knowledge of their country (what would flag day be without the Pledge), and reduces patriotism. I am American and I am proud ...... I am proud of all that we are, I am proud of our mistakes, I am proud of how we have fixed those mistakes, and I am proud of what we can become if we could just come together and realize we all really just want the same things.

I posted on Facebook today that I do not like to remember 9/11. It is sad and scary ..... I like to remember 9/12, when the flags went up everywhere and we came together as a nation, forgot the politics, forgot the bickering and just supported each other. It didn't last long, but that is what I like to remember!

Remember when things were simple ........

The past few weeks have been ridiculously crazy. Not just for me, but for the whole family ....

1. Teenager starting his Senior year and all that goes with it: advanced placement classes, Sr. pictures, varsity sports, college exams, new job, parent meetings, and the paperwork!
2. 5-year-old starting kindergarten and all that goes with it: evaluations, packing lunches, strict bedtime, his homework (which he makes up but feels he needs to do it every night anyway), PTO meetings, and the paperwork!
3. Start of a new semester and all that goes with it: syllabi, advising, rosters, events, working late, and the paperwork!

But after a crazy day at work, discussions with undergraduate admissions for my son, a parent meeting for soccer, I came home to a sleeping child. I just looked at him and saw peace and it made me start to think about when life was simple. Not just simple in the sense that my mom took care of all the things I take care of now, while I sat back and just thought it all kind of happened. I mean simple.

• I mean going back to a time when there were a total of 5 television channels to choose from.
• A time when a child could go in the neighborhood at 8:00 am and find friends to play with until the street lights came on, stopping back home only to grab a sandwich or go the bathroom.
• A time where being in the house was boring so that you went outside and made time machines out of trees (ok - maybe I am sharing too much, but that was one of my favorite games).
• When a parent would be able to call their child home without a cell phone plan because the parents all knew each other (or in my case my dad would stand on the front porch and whistle. (Every kid in the neighborhood knew my dad's whistle and if I didn't hear it they would come and find me).
• A time when gossip was only passed over the backyard fence ... not the entire world in a millisecond.
• When the goal for a person was to make a difference - not get 15 minutes of fame on a reality show.
• A time when people trusted not only in their government, but in the people next door and the person who owned the corner store.
• An era where nobody cared what the name on the back of your jeans was or how much they cost. A time when people did not get killed for their "Air Jordans."
• I remember when celebrities were people to look up to .... actresses, sports stars, politicians. If they behaved badly it was not celebrated (like Snookie being arrested for disorderly conduct, or Brittney Spears treatment of her children or any number of sports stars behaving badly)
• A time when 3-year-olds could just be kids ..... not a tool for the fame their parents wanted and didn't get.

Just a time when life was simple. I have so many memories as a child that were just me and my friends playing. Not scheduled play dates or organized sports. Just a bunch of kids in the backyard with some trees and imagination. Did we get hurt? Yes. And the boo-boos were cured with soap and water, a good old-fashioned band-aid and a kiss.

I love technology - to a point. I love my cell phone and my laptop. I am a big fan of the Internet, Blue-ray DVDs, the MP3 player. But I think all of this technology, the speed by which information travels, the medical research ..... all of it has made life less simple.

It is the problem with our government, it is the problem with our family values, it is the problem with society. We have stopped being creative, stopped thinking critically. We are over scheduled, under rested, over stressed. We stopped taking responsibility for our own actions because there is always someone worse (for example, Massachusetts House Speaker Salvatore DiMasi's attorneys state 12 years is too long a sentence for a conviction on fraud and extortion since he only took $65,000.00 and other politicians convicted of the same crime traditionally only get 7 years. Yet the same people who have sent the judge letters of support for DiMasi are the same people who will write comment after comment about how people on welfare need to take responsibility for their own actions! It just makes no sense!

I would like to go back to a time when things were simple, for myself and my children. I want them to enjoy being kids and being young. I want them to realize they can be the cause of their own happiness and well being. That you can't solve your problems with a prescription, that life takes hard work, that you have to live within your means regardless of the credit you could be given.

I think tonight I am tired and disillusioned. I know the "simple" life was not always perfect and perhaps because we tend to only remember the happy memories from childhood my memory of it is vague. But watching that child sleep this evening, while my teenager rushed through a sandwich for dinner after the soccer meeting so he could get his homework done .... I just wished for simple.

US Education ...... I fear for the future!

Before I get into my tirade about education policy in the US. I just wanted to give some helpful advice to moms of kids starting school for the new year. The best tip I can give you is to properly pack their lunch (and yours): Simple Things to Do to Lessen Back-to-School Stomach Bugs. I had not thought about this, especially with the invention of insulated lunch bags. After all, my mom would send me to school with an egg salad sandwich in a paper lunch bag in June, and I survived!

I would like to start my rant today with a summary of Ron Paul's stance on education (quoted from The Hechinger Report) as he runs for the Republican nomination for President.

Ron Paul: U.S. Representative Paul, of Texas, is a self-proclaimed “homeschooling champion,” even devoting a section of his website to his position on the subject. He supports tax credits for parents who home-school their children and, if elected, promises to “veto any legislation that encroaches on homeschooling parents’ rights.” Paul is for abolishing the U.S. Department of Education—he referred to it as a “propaganda machine” in March—and voted against NCLB in 2001. In a tax credit bill, he once proposed an annual $1,000 tax credit for teachers. Much like Gingrich, Paul is against the federal government giving out student loans for higher education, saying in an interview with MSNBC, “Nobody has a right to somebody else’s wealth. You have a right to your life, you have a right to your property, but you don’t have—education isn’t a right. Medical care isn’t a right. These are things you have to earn.” Paul did later clarify that he was fine with students receiving loans from other sources, such as the schools themselves.

I am amazed and horrified! While I appreciate parents who home-school their children and think they probably do deserve a tax credit for all that work, I also believe there should be standards in place so that we know these children are actually learning their ABCs and 123s. I also think there should probably be some sort of training program to make sure the parents home schooling their children actually are intelligent people who can pass knowledge on to their children.

As for higher education .... I wouldn't be where I am today had I not received my Pell Grant or my (what was called at the time) Educational Incentive Loan (if I graduated from college with a certain GPA it was a grant - if I did not complete college it became a loan ... but we will talk more about this later). And after looking at Ron Paul's biography I would be interested to know whether or not he too benefited from some federal grants and/or loans. While I have to admit that he is correct that education is not a right specified in the Constitution, it is a part of civil society that keeps us one step ahead of the competition. And this is a step we are losing quickly!

However, I recently listened to a report on NPR that the United States has gone from #1 in students who graduate from college to #10. While our high school dropout rates have been declining, our college drop-out rates have been increasing. "For every five students who start in community college, only one finishes within three years, even though community college programs are supposed to be two years or less. The numbers at four year colleges are not much better — only around half the students who enroll manage to get their Bachelors’ degrees in six years." The primary reason for this is money! While the federal government and state governments have been reducing the budgets for state-run institutions and they have been reducing the amount of money available for low-income students ..... tuition at all academic institutions has been increasing.

Since I work at a private university I get the question about tuition all the time: why is it so expensive? Part of the reason is the need for student services. While the report I read, which led me to this blog, says that American high school students are better prepared for college than generations before, I would argue that point. Every freshman class I teach seems to be a little bit more clueless than the class before .... primarily the problems revolve around the ability to write an academic paper and/or think critically. While the international students in my class always have language issues, they can think in a logical manner and make an argument based on facts (they do plagarize more than American students but I have been told that is usually cultural and they are not taught to cite sources). An awful lot of the tuition a student pays where I work goes to student resources like tutors, the learning center and counseling. The other point I always make is that students expect more cool stuff - the latest technology in the classroom, bigger & better dorms, etc. etc. All of those things costs money. But the primary reason for tuition increases at public institutions is lack of federal and state funding.

I DO NOT advocate just throwing more money at public institutions or increasing grants and loans. The system is broken. Colleges get funding based on the number of students they enroll - this translates to Freshmen. Once the students are in the institution, the services or even classes may not be there because there is no consequence to the institution if the student drops out. So, while I fundamentally disagree with everything Ron Paul stands for, I can understand his frustration with the cost of higher education for the government. It is attrocious and it is ridiculous!

We seem to be goverened these days by two political parties .... the party of the system is broken so lets just get rid of the whole thing (whether it is FEMA, EPA, DOE, Welfare, Healthcare) because the government should not be responsible for civil society - clean air, clean water, disaster relief, education, etc. And the party of nothing is wrong so lets just keep putting money into programs that have not necessarily shown positive impact. There has got to be a happy medium. Being able to admit a program doesn't work (such as education and welfare) while still being able to admit that the programs need to work in order for our society to continue. How much better off would our system if higher education be if schools got paid for the number of students it graduated, as opposed to the number of students it gets to walk through the door (if only for one year).

I am worn out from my ranting this evening - so I will save parent involvement in primary & secondary education for another day. I have to go write my syllabus!

Hell Hath No Fury ......

"All water has a perfect memory and is forever trying to get back to where it was."

~Toni Morrison

So, it has been a crazy week. The beginning of the semester always is! And this year it was more crazy because my oldest started his Sr. Year in high school and my youngest started Kindergarten. And I work at a University so my life has been insane. My intention at the end of this week was to write a blog about education in America. That will come later in the weekend and I am going to go back to my vacation.

We spent a week in New Hampshire exploring along the Pemigewasset river. A week later, Irene hit! I was watching news reports about Campton and the Turkey Jim Bridge and the campground we spent a week at. I am amazed by the fact that my five-year-old walked along in this river - searching for minnows & tadpoles (directly under the covered bridge). We walked over those bridges, I drove over the car bridge.

I have spent summers in these mountains for as long as I can remember. As a child I too chugged along these river beds and searched for small animals that swam near the surface. I so fell in love with the mountains and the river that I moved to New Hampshire in my 20s. My oldest son was born there. I started my College career at Plymouth State - and sometimes after classes I would walk along the river or go swimming just to relax. But this just reminds us that "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!" And boy has Mother Nature been angry lately - floods, eathquakes, drought, fires. My husband says that these are patterns in nature and weather that have occured many times over the years. My response usually is something like .... that's nice, doesn't mean I have to like it!

So, below are the photos I took on our vacation - when the rivers were calm and the bridges in one piece. I will get into deep philosophical observations on another day.

Finding it hard to find inspiration .....

I have been having a hard time getting back into the swing of things after my vacation. I haven't been posting on Facebook, haven't written a blog ..... just haven't really known what to say. There are of course so many things in the news to talk about:

1. Journalists held in Libya, the horror & celebration in Libya
2. CEOs pledge to end campaign support
3. My first earthquake experience that shook my 10th floor office
4. Hurricane Irene & my weekend plans that won't happen
5. The fact that I am already feeling twinges of empty nest syndrome because the teenager is driving himself to work these days and the little one in starting kindergarten on Monday
6. Kim Kardashian's Wedding (actually I would never talk about that .... just wanted to see if you were paying attention)
7. Warren Buffet's call for higher taxes on the rich
8. The fact that my fabulous vacation has resulted in a serious lupus flare which has left me itchy & exhausted
9. Steve Jobs & the future of Apple
10. The aftermath of the riots in England
11. The 10-year anniversary of 9/11

As I look at this list I realize I am a little overwhelmed. There is so much going on in our world right now ... and not much of it seems to be happy news. You really need to read the fine print in the news to find stories to make you smile such as people in Japan returning money they found after the tsunami. But again, that is positive news in the face of horrific news. For once I would like to turn on the news or boot up the computer and have the headlines be: No one has been killed today, everyone ate 3 meals, the weather is beautiful everywhere and everyone is getting along. Just for one day! Of course the reality of the day after those headlines would probably throw the world in to massive depression. I realize of course that I am babbling and not being very creative.

I will say that I have watched two really great Masterpiece Theatre movies this week: Bleakhouse and North and South. Aside from the fact that I love classical literature (I have actually started reading Bleakhouse, I apparently missed this one during my Dickens phase), I am amazed at how the themes of these particular stories are still in the news today!

Bleakhouse is primarily about a civil court case involving a will that goes on for years to the point that there are only two distant heirs left. By the time the case is settled, there is no money left because it has gone to the attorneys. It is about poverty, despair, drug addiction, inequity. In a word it is a bleak existence (but all works out in the end for the heroes and heroines).

North and South is about unions. The battle between those whose job it is to maintain a profitable business and the workers whose job is to feed the family. I was shocked at how much of an issue this still is today when the original novel the film was based on was written in 1855. Elizabeth Gaskell questions religion, female roles, family, honor and extreme poverty. I feel like if you changed the clothing and the accent you could be talking about so many places in the world today.

I have completely digressed from my topic that I have had a week lacking creativity. But I guess that is ok. So, I will end with answering my last 30-day blog questions .... and then I must be off to plan how I am going to spend the day tomorrow preparing for Irene. I am a firm believer that if you are prepared the storm will swing on by (most of the time, and if it doesn't at least you are prepared)!



The Outsiders



My first celebrity crush: I don't really remember. I know that these two posters were on my bedroom ceiling for a very long time when I was a tween - and I am pretty sure I had some sort of tween crush on all of them (except for Molly Ringwald - although I did want to be her).

The last person who texted me: that would be the teenager - several times a day! I actually love the fact that we communicate more than we did when he did not have unlimited text on his phone. I always know where he is, what he is going and who he is with. It is a great parental invention!

Five Things Within Touching Distance Right Now: I am not going to include the laptop - that is kind of a given.

1. The five-year-old (he fell asleep next to me and I have not had the ambition to put him back to bed).
2. A glass of Diet Pepsi
3. 3 remote controls (Television, DVD player & cable)
4. Map of New Hampshire (from when I was preparing for vacation)
5. A ceramic hurricane-like lamp that my Nana made

Someone's facebook status I can always count on to annoy me: I don't know how to answer this one. The only people I am friends with on Facebook are people I actually like and am friends with .... anyone who annoys me I have already blocked.

And last ..... name everything in my pocketbook right now:

• $5.00 cash & a handful of coins
• My wallet - id, credit cards, health insurance cards
• checkbook (yes I still carry one)
• monthly calender (yes I still have one of those as well)
• small photo album of the kids (it actually only holds wallet size pictures)
• aveeno hand cream
• nail file & clippers
• Soft as lips vanilla lip balm
• gum
• small pill box with Tylenol and Tramadol
• keys
• ID card for work

That is all I can think of (my pocketbook is actually downstairs and I am not going to get it :)

I hope everyone has a safe Hurricane Irene experience this weekend - see you on the flip side!



Another Fun Thing To Do With Blogs ......

So, again Sam of Honest to Blog introduced me to a fun blog thing, which she got from Lauren at The Little Things We Do. It is called "Fill in the Blank Friday." But since it is Sunday I guess the title needs to change. Here are the blanks

1.   My idea of pure perfection would be  World peace & equality for all. But in my little world, hanging out with the boys in the back yard, lobster for dinner and a nice chilled glass of white wine.

2.    Dreaming big       makes the world go 'round.

3.  If it weren't for    the fact that I hate winter    I'd    live in a cabin on a lake in the White Mountains.

4.  Bloggers are   people with a lot to say .

5.  If I had    money & ambition    I'd buy   a Greek restaurant/gift/craft store (sort of like a mini mall of Greekness).

 6.  I'm glad it's Sunday because     I have nothing planned to do today except make dinner for the family    .

7.  Something I'm excited about is     My oldest son starting his senior year in High School and my youngest starting Kindergarten and Soccer   .